Table of Contents

October 2011 - Dadavani - English

EDITORIAL

Solutions against anger in daily worldly life interactions

Reason for anger

Inner enemies are indeed the cause of pain

Attachment-abhorrence means selfishness

External silence: Inner chaos

No one would improve by threatening

Bring about solution by explaining

Can you stop people talking?

Does anything happen according to your will?

Equanimity is verily the solution

That which becomes hot can be molded in any shape

What can one do when the car heats up?

Why do you become weak when she makes a mistake?

Avoid anger by keeping a friendship

What can you gain from getting angry?

Avoid anger even by appeasing

Futility of attempting to improve the other

Easy way to become straight

Explain but with love

There is no choice but to suffer the effect

Protect subordinates

Only love wins

Bring about solution with settlement

It is worth if you get the result

What is the solution where it is getting spoiled?

Tell children without attachment-abhorrence

Nagging ruins both

Who has to pay off the loan?

Finally you will have to let go of the nature of telling, too

Improve yourself only

That is called love

Real love does not increase or decrease

Children respond to love

Conflicts occur due to ego

Duty bound: Will bound

Impression arises when the weakness leaves

Show anger but dramatic

Discrimination is necessary in worldly interaction

There is need of a red signal

How is nature’s justice there?

Anger yet one binds merit karma

Tell them calmly

Consequence of anger

That weakness would exist in all

Only the account of give and take

Pay off the account of karma and become free

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October 2011 - Dadavani - English

Solutions against anger in daily worldly life interactions

EDITORIAL

What is the reason that a person gets angry in his daily worldly life interaction? Anger (krodha – anger with violent intent) is a weakness. Now should one protect that weakness or find out some solutions to get rid of it? You may possibly think that the other person is at fault but why should we become weak?

There is a general belief that one can achieve what he wants or he can improve others by getting angry. But has anyone any proof regarding the truth behind that belief? When one gets angry, he ruins of his own first and then spoils for others too; as a result there is a loss for the both parties. Is the human life for to earn the profit of life after life or to incur a loss? Should we not think about this? Intelligent and wise people do not believe in getting angry and if it ever were to happen then they make effort not to get angry again. If one calculates what loss was sustained after getting angry then also the anger can decrease or stop. It is possible that anger can go away even after critical thinking.

A question may arise in many people’s mind that one has to run the worldly life so he has to say something to the other person, has he not? One may have to scold or get angry too; what should one do there? Revered Dadashri says in this situation that he can tell him wherever it is necessary but do so without attachment-abhorrence (raag-dwesh). Maintain strictness in one eye and love in the other eye. Strictness does not harm the other person but anger does a lot of damage. Telling again and again is also a fault and not to say anything is also a fault. ‘To not say’ is also one kind of ego. If you want to maintain an ego then have the ego of, ‘one may not become happy due to me, but at least no one should become unhappy in the slightest extent’. At least this kind of ego will help one to attain moksha, will it not? How simple will the life become if we take adjustments with the other person in every situation? And in a way, what will one have to take with him? Everyone has to finish their accounts of give and take and go to their home so then why one has to do this hassle?

It is a terrible mistake to beat a dependent or hurt him through anger. One has to carry out worldly life interaction but it should be ideal. Worldly interaction should be such that it does not hurt anyone at all. There is no harm in punishing wherever it is necessary but to become angry is a problem. That weakness should not occur. Such weakness will not impress the other person and if there is no control then no work will get done. The work gets done through the inner authority and influence of the one without any anger and weakness. The progress for rising higher as the Self should be to become absolutely free from weakness of anger within. The one within whom there is no such weakness, will have personality. And when can one have such personality? It is when one knows this Vignan (science).

In compilation of this Dadavani, revered Dadashri has explained varieties of solutions to become free from anger in the worldly life interactions through a scientific view-point in a very simple way. This will become a guide to all to commence purushartha for attaining completion of their goal.

~Jai Sat Chit Anand

(Pg.2)

Solutions against anger in daily worldly life interactions

Reason for anger

Do you get ever angry at anyone?

Questioner: Yes, I do.

Dadashri: Is that so? Is that not called weakness? Is it not considered weakness in you?

Questioner: Weakness is there for sure.

Dadashri: What food do you eat that makes you angry?

Questioner: It happens on its own!

Dadashri: Is anger not a weakness? Weakness? So all this is a weakness. Why? You are studying so much and yet you have allowed the weakness to remain? Get rid of this weakness.

Questioner: Slowly and slowly, as I get older, I will get control over it.

Dadashri: Have you got little control now, than when you were young? Or is it increasing?

Questioner: It is the same.

Dadashri: Is that so? Is it not decreasing?

Questioner: No. It has not increased.

Dadashri: Do you read books?

Questioner: Not in particular. But I read books which contains knowledge. It is written in those books that one should not get angry and all that.

Dadashri: Whose book is that? Who has written that book?

Questioner: Just in general, discourses of munis (ascetics) which take place.

Dadashri: But your anger-pride-deceit-greed do not go away then? You did not ask that muni that, ‘Brother, how did you get rid of your anger? Can you show me some ways to get rid of it?’

Questioner: I asked one person, who told me that I should not watch movies, plays

(Pg.3)

etc. But it is not possible to do so, is it?

Dadashri: Does he tell you to eat? Does he say that you can eat?

Questioner: Yes, he told me to eat ordinary food. He showed such solutions which I cannot follow.

Dadashri: But did you not ask maharaj (Jain spiritual teacher), ‘Have your kashayas gone? You show me that way which you are doing.’

Questioner: I just took it granted that his (kashayas: anger-pride-deceit-greed) must have gone. I did not ask that.

Dadashri: That is right. Our people are soft, are they not? They are soft verily by nature.

Questioner: Yes, but how can I ask like that?

Dadashri: It is like this: Tell them, ‘If your anger-pride-deceit-greed are gone then show me the right way. But if yours are not gone then you find your way. Why are you showing me again?’

Questioner: He would speak in the discourse, so that means that his must have gone, no?

Dadashri: If someone has controlled some ghost then he can do our work too; he will come and do it. What you are going to get out of controlling this anger?

Questioner: We should control anger so that we can do some other work peacefully. All those are getting disturbed.

Dadashri: If you are doing some other work then, will it not disturb you?

Questioner: Yes, therefore, we should control this anger.

Dadashri: When do you get angry?

Questioner: If someone does anything against my will then anger arises.

Dadashri: Yes, but if a tile falls on your head against your will from the roof of this building and bleeds, will you get angry then?

Questioner: Yes, means someone must not have fixed properly, thinking that I would yell a couple of strong remarks and curses.

Dadashri: Is that right? Then also would you react and swear? Let’s move, say for example, what if a stone rolls down from a hilltop and hits you on the head and you start bleeding?

Questioner: Then also I would feel little abnormal. It would affect me. I would feel udvega (emotional agitation).

Dadashri: You will feel udvega, but you will not get angry, will you?

Questioner: So then at that time it is our fault, so we will take on us.

Dadashri: You will take on you! But one will not refrain from getting angry and upset.

Inner enemies are indeed the cause of pain

Questioner: So the sexuality-anger (kaam-krodha) which happens, what do we lose in that? Is there no need for that?

Dadashri: Sexuality-anger, all this will continue to give you pain (dukha). They hurt you a lot. As long as you like the worldly life (sansar), there is a need for that. But if you are not able to tolerate that pain, then passion-anger is verily the thing, which gives pain. No one is out there who hurts you. Your own inner enemies only hurt you. That shadaripu (six inner enemies: anger-pride-deceit-greed-attachment-abhorrence) verily hurts you. If

(Pg.4)

they become free from you then there will be end of it once and for all.

‘I’ do ‘see’ that no one is hurting me outside. As long as shadaripu were there inside, they were causing me pain. Now they stopped everything inside, everyone went to their own home.

Attachment-abhorrence means selfishness

What is the reason for getting uneasiness and stress in the home? Then one will say, ‘Is the husband like that?’ No. Then one will say, ‘Is the wife like that?’ No. There is attachment-abhorrence (raag-dwesh) and that is why one feels hurt. If there is no attachment-abhorrence then one will not have clash with anybody. One has raag-dwesh. Raag-dwesh means selfishness (swartha). Everyone is looking for one’s own self-gain, that is called raag-dwesh. Do ‘we’ have any problem of selfishness with anybody? ‘We—the Gnani Purush’ do not want anything whatsoever, so there is no problem. This is just for the ‘taste of juice of sweetness’; and see all the trouble, trouble, trouble and as if one has become permanently happy by tasting this? If that was the case then also it would be better. But they are crying and crying even after tasting this. Tell me the truth, are you crying or not, even after tasting?

Questioner: It can happen, absolutely right!

Dadashri: All this is due to raag-dwesh. There is no fault of either a woman or a man. Quarrels happen in good families, what is the reason for that? It is because of raag-dwesh. And if it is through vitaragata (total absence of attachment and abhorrence), then the fight will not occur. But when can it be so? It is so when one has Atmagnan (Self-realization).

External silence: Inner chaos

Questioner: An angry man who has taken the vow of silence, will not be able to express his anger, no? So then he will not get angry, will he?

Dadashri: But he will continue to get angry inside, will he not?

Questioner: But the karma that would have been bound by words have been stopped, no?

Dadashri: The anger that arises within does not stop the binding of new karma. Nothing ceases. The ignorant (person without Self-realization) person whatever he does goes to waste in darkness, the karma for the next life are being bound continuously.

Questioner: The gross effect will stop with silence, no?

Dadashri: Yet the inner kashaya (anger, pride, deceit and greed) remains.

Questioner: If one says anything in the outburst of anger, it will create more hurt. And with silence this overt hurt will be prevented, no?

Dadashri: Yes, the overt hurt stops. The inner anger effects continue. With words the opponent will be affected immediately, whereas the inner anger is not evident to others. Talking will inflame the situation so silence is preferable. At least he spent a day in control. And further he did not scold five people because of the silence. Hence the external speech has been curbed. The inner anger is going on rampantly. He may be silent overtly but inside he is cursing profusely.

When there is no competence and to go on talking in all matters is meaningless. Can a man have competence in all subjects? He may be so in one or two subjects. A powerful person may speak incessantly. No body dare object. But here we have the goal of going

(Pg.5)

further on the path to liberation. So those who desire to progress further should become really silent. The correct adherence to silence will correct the interfering intellect.

No one would improve by threatening

Questioner: If deceit (kapat) is being employed at home, or outside, then language that scares and petrifies has to be used, is that not so?

Dadashri: If your threats stop others from being deceitful, then go ahead and do so. But what is the point in scaring them if deceit remains forever? You should be thrown in a jail for scaring them when you do not know how to scare them. Why do you do it?

Questioner: What should I do if I am not to threaten them?

Dadashri: You have to see how they can improve.

Questioner: It is natural to get angry with someone who is being deceitful towards us, is it not?

Dadashri: If the other person’s deceit leaves by you getting angry at him five times, then it is all right; and if it does not, then you are to be thrown in a jail. He is not getting cured with this medicine and, on the contrary, you are killing him by making him drink such medicine!

Questioner: What should we do if that person continues to do the same thing?

Dadashri: Your approach is harmful. This is not the way to do it. It is one kind of egoism. To believe, ‘I can improve him this way or that way,’ is egoism. What ‘we’ are trying to convey is that you should be the one to improve first. You are the only one who is spoiled. He is already improved. The way you are harassing all these people by frightening them is not becoming of you.

Questioner: Then what should I do?

Dadashri: You have to improve yourself first. You have to become such that no one has to use deceit towards you. No one uses deceit towards me. Others will be deceitful towards you only if there is deceit in you, otherwise they will never do so. All they present to you is your own photograph. It is all your own reflection.

Questioner: We might have some karmic account with him; is that why the other person employs deceit towards us?

Dadashri: You have to let go the issue of karmic account. It is not possible to avoid the account. Even I cannot avoid the account that unfolds in front of me.

Bring about solution by explaining

It is not possible for you to change anything. So what is the point of all the fuss? The other person’s deception remains the same; on the contrary, it increases. When you holler and rant, he will think you are worthless and shouting for nothing. This only leads to the other person making more mistakes and to continue ignoring you as being worthless.

Questioner: What is the solution for this?

Dadashri: He should be so impressed by you that he will not employ any deception towards you at all. There is no need for you to use all these other methods. Remain silent instead of becoming angry. Anger is not a meaningful weapon.

Questioner: Do we have to keep seeing and not do anything if someone is stealing goods through deception?

Dadashri: Anger is not a weapon to use for that. Sit him down and explain things to

(Pg.6)

him. Ask him to think things through. Then everything can be resolved.

Can you stop people talking?

Questioner: If someone gets angry at us and if we let him go, then he would say that this person is completely weak.

Dadashri: So then you should beat him and show your bravery. If you come across a robber in Mumbai, and he asks you to get off the car and hand him over everything then will you show bravery over there? What can happen? People give immediately. Why they do not show courage? The whole world is verily weak, is it not? A collector-high ranking government official-too would hand it over. Everywhere he would be walking around with an air of arrogance (rof). Even a reputed magistrate would hand it over. And in a way he would be showing his self-importance. The whole world is weak only. ‘You are weak’, will he say so?

Questioner: I am just talking about my experience. We have kept a rule of settling (file) with equanimity, and so we would let go of everything, then someone will say, ‘This Chandubhai has become weak.’

Dadashri: People would say. The ignorant (person without Self-realization) person would speak as he likes. If you want to go to moksha then you cannot become nervous by listening to people’s talk.

Does anything happen according to your will?

Questioner: Whether it is at home or amongst friends, if things do not go according to our will and intent because everyone has different opinions, then why is it that we get angry? What should one do?

Dadashri: If everyone tried to do things according to their will and intent, then what would happen? How can one even think such thoughts? One should immediately think that if everyone tries to do according to his or her will and intent, then chaos will result, and then there would be no supper. So do not try to do things according to your own will and intent at any time. Do not have any expectations and you will never be disappointed. No expectations, means there isn’t any need to fulfill anything. Whoever has a need will keep an expectation.

Questioner: No matter how silent we remain, but if the men still get angry, what should we do?

Dadashri: If he gets angry and if you want to start a quarrel, then even you too should get angry, otherwise put an end to it. If you want to stop the ‘film’, then keep calm. If you don’t want to stop the ‘film’, then continue to fight all night long. Who is preventing you? Do you like such ‘films’?

Questioner: No, I don’t like such ‘films’.

Dadashri: What is the use of getting angry? The person himself is not getting angry. The ‘mechanical adjustment’ (the charged complex of thoughts, speech and actions) is getting angry. He himself is not getting angry. Later on he regrets that it would have been good if this anger did not take place.

Equanimity is verily the solution

Dadashri: Does any of your children trouble you? Does your child harass you?

Questioner: This is a worldly life (sansar), so everything will go on.

Dadashri: No, but that will go on, there is no problem for that. What inner intent (bhaav) would arise within you, when he troubles you?

(Pg.7)

Questioner: I get angry.

Dadashri: What happens when you get into a fight with your husband? A kitchen vessel or two will collide, when there is bhanjghad (break and make) with your husband, no?

Questioner: Anger arises inside, but outside I have to maintain equanimity.

Dadashri: Inside, but anger happened, did it not? If you don’t maintain equanimity outside then your overt fighting and hitting will happen. He will also pick a fight and you will also pick a fight. You have to maintain equanimity from outside, do you not? Otherwise a policeman would come. He will say, ‘What is happening at your place?’

Questioner: That big situation does not arise.

Dadashri: Anger is a weakness. Yet anger arises late in women and it arises faster in men. So are men weaker? Thenthe answer is, ‘No, men are not weaker than women. Women are weaker because women are more unaware (ajagrut). Men are aware, in spite of that they are weak. And when that awareness reaches to completion then the weakness will end completely. Awareness is verily required. Women are naturally less aware. Men have more awareness so they become very upset faster than women.’

That which becomes hot can be molded in any shape

Questioner: My friend has asked this question. Her husband is always getting angry with her; what is the reason behind this?

Dadashri: That is good, it is better that the husband gets angry rather than others. After all, he is one of your own.

What do these blacksmiths do when they have a piece of steel they want to bend? They heat it, and when heated bright red they hammer it, and it bends. We can mold it into any shape we want. This is so with human beings too. If he gets hot, he will bend. The angrier he becomes the weaker he is and the more vulnerable to molding. When he becomes weak, with a couple of strokes of the hammer, you can mold that husband into whatever design you want.

Questioner: But if I become angry in return then I cannot make the design, can I?

Dadashri: Why do you need to get angry? Otherwise he will make your design. You instead…

Questioner: What kind of a design, Dada? What do I do with him once he is under my control?

Dadashri: You can have whatever design you want. She can turn her husband into a parrot. He will repeat whatever she says. He can become just like a parrot, but people do not know how to mold and design with a hammer. All these are weaknesses in people. To get angry is all weakness.

Questioner: Now You have cleared the way.

Dadashri: Now, I showed you a good way. If he becomes angry deliberately, then why you have to quarrel unnecessarily? It is better for the blacksmith if that steel rod heats up without heating. That steel rod bends with just two strokes of hammer and forms into a design. You should also say that Dadaji was telling about such a rule. Therefore, the one who becomes angry will have to bend. Rather than that you should tell him, ‘Remain straightforward.’

Questioner: If I say so to him, then I have to listen from him that, ‘Am I your slave?’

(Pg.8)

Dadashri: You should tell him, ‘No, you are not a slave, you are my boss.’ ‘But I will make your design’, you should say.

You just have to hammer once on that heated steel, that’s all. What else is needed? That which is heated can be bent. That which becomes hot can become soft and when it becomes soft, it will bend.

What can one do when the car heats up?

Questioner: What should we do when someone gets angry? Nothing? Or one should not have anger at all?

Dadashri: When you sit in the bus, when you sit in a van, at that time when it gets angry; when it becomes hot, then what do you do?

Questioner: Nothing.

Dadashri: Like that! Van has become hot.

Questioner: If someone gets angry at me, I don’t like it and on the contrary I become angry.

Dadashri: You also become angry?

Questioner: Yes, but I do feel bad, a lot, in my mind.

Dadashri: So you have to keep seeing both. This car became angry and that car also became angry.

If this car heats up then what will you do?

Questioner: I will not do anything; I will continue to see.

Dadashri: That is all then. All these cars are running inside. And that which is not (mechanical) like a car, will not heat up.

Questioner: What is the solution to cool it down?

Dadashri: If that machine has become hot, if you want to cool it down then leave it for some time then it will cool down and if you touch it or prod it, you will get burned.

Why do you become weak when she makes a mistake?

Dadashri: Do you ever point out her mistake? Or do you point out everyday?

Questioner: Everyday.

Dadashri: You cannot do that. Can you do that? If you have a friend and if you point out his lots of mistakes then you will lose your friend.

Questioner: This is not a friend; this is a wife.

Dadashri: So, she is tied up to a pole and he is not tied up to a pole.

Questioner: If she makes mistake once then I can let go, but if she makes the same mistake again then I end up getting angry.

Dadashri: You become angry, don’t you?

Questioner: Yes.

Dadashri: But she makes the mistake, why are you becoming weak? She makes a mistake and you are becoming weak?

Questioner: Yes, but due to that mistake, we all have to suffer.

Dadashri: No, but why are you becoming weak? You should let anger fill within, do not become angry and just continue to see, so she will feel awed and think that this fellow is not saying anything, what a nice person is this! I will not meet with such a husband again and say, ‘Oh God! Please give me such a husband for seven more life times.’

Avoid anger by keeping a friendship

Questioner: We take out our anger on the wife when we cannot get angry with the

(Pg.9)

secretary or the nurses at the hospital. She gets the worst part of it.

Dadashri: I tell people in satsang that when their superiors reprimand some men, they vent their anger on their wives instead. So then I rebuke them and ask them why they are taking it out on their poor wives. I ask them why they do not fight with the person that scolds them instead of fighting with their wives.

All day long they are angry. Even the cows and buffaloes are better; at least they do not get angry. Life should be peaceful! It should not be feeble. Anger takes place all too often. Did you come here by car? What would happen if the car got angry on the way here?

Questioner: Then it would be impossible to come here.

Dadashri: When you get angry with your wife, how do you think she copes? (To the wife) you don’t get angry, do you?

Questioner: Sometimes it happens.

Dadashri: What’s the use of you both getting angry?

Questioner: But should there not be an occasional angry exchange between a husband and a wife?

Dadashri: No. There is no such law. There should be a lot of peace between a husband and a wife. If there is any hurt in a relationship, it cannot be called a husband and a wife relationship. It does not even happen between two friends and this is the highest friendship of all. It must not happen here. This is all peoples’ doing. They themselves have angry exchanges in their marriage so they say that there is nothing wrong with a little anger in marriage. Anger has no place between a husband and a wife at all.

What can you gain from getting angry?

What do you gain from getting angry at home? She feeds you good food at home, so can you get angry over there?

Questioner: I understand but yet if it happens then what should I do?

Dadashri: You should tell your wife that when I get angry, don’t give me food for three days. If you calculate what you gained from getting angry at someone, then next day it will decrease. And when the wife tells her husband not to get angry at their son, then if he says, ‘It is worth getting angry with the son’ then the anger will increase. Anger can go away through critical thinking.

You would certainly not crash your car if someone comes in front of you, from the wrong way, would you? So to crash the car and to get angry, both are same. You can see that consequence (accident) in front of you. And you are not able to see the consequence of this and therefore, you think in your mind that ‘what is wrong in this?’ He has not been caught… mooah (Oh dying one), you got caught over ‘there’. When that seed will grow then he will know. There is no more horrible karma than getting angry. And if he says that, ‘I have a habit of getting angry.’ Then why he does not get angry when a stone falls on him from a hilltop? Why he does not get angry at a policeman? The policeman will say, ‘stand here.’ So if the one who is getting angry shows excuses, then You should tie him up. You should tie him up at one pole and keep him alone for twelve hours without tea and snack. Then he will realize that anger leads to this consequence.

Avoid anger even by appeasing

I was acquainted with one Muslim gentleman. He always used to tell me that ‘Sir, please come to my home, at least once.’ He used to work as a bricklayer. So while walking in the area, he met me, so I went with

(Pg.10)

him. He only had two rooms in his home. I asked him how he managed to live in such a confined space. I asked him if his wife ever bothered him. He said that sometimes his wife would get angry but he would not. If they both were to get angry at each other, how would they be able to sleep in the same room? Furthermore, he would not get even a decent cup of tea in the morning. He told me that he was happy to be with his wife, so how could he get angry with her, and when she got angry with him, he would appease her, he would tell her, ‘please let it go my dear, only I know what I go through during the day at work.’ He said that he would fight outside the home, but never in the home.

Futility of attempting to improve the other

If you adjust to the other person in every matter, your life will become very smooth. What are you going to take with you when you die? And if someone tells you, ‘Straighten your wife out,’ and you try to do so, you will become ‘twisted’ in the process. Whatever your wife may be like, accept it as correct. If your relationship with her were eternal, then it would be a different matter. But she is your wife in this life only. You both will die at different times and you both have different karma. There is nothing to give or take here. Who knows whose home she will go to after this life? You may end up improving her, but she will end up as someone else’s wife.

Questioner: If I bind karma with her, surely we will get together in our next life.

Dadashri: Yes, you may get together, but in some other way. She may come to your home to visit as someone else’s wife. There are principles to the laws of karma, are there not? And here there is no guarantee. Some people with a lot of punyai (merit karma) may end up spending several lifetimes together. You know that Lord Neminath and Rajul were together for nine life times; it would be a different matter if that were the case with you. But here you do not have any clue about your next life. People separate and go their own way just in this life, do they not? They call it divorce, do they not? Just in this life, some may have two or three husbands.

Easy way to become straight

You should not try to improve her and neither should she try to improve you. Whatever you got is gold. No one’s prakruti ever improves; a dog’s tail will always remain crooked so you must exercise caution. Regardless of your wife’s personality, accept her as she is, adjust everywhere.

When an occasion for reprimanding arises and you do not say anything, then she will improve. A person, who does not lose his temper or get angry, has tremendous influence. I never get angry with anyone or tell off anyone. Yet people are in awe and have reverence for me.

Questioner: So will she improve then Dada?

Dadashri: This verily has always been the way to improve others. In this Kaliyug, people find it hard to follow this. There is no other alternative.

Questioner: But that is very difficult.

Dadashri: No, no it is not difficult. It is the easiest way. A cow has to bear the weight of its own horns.

Questioner: But she will also attack us with her horns, will she not?

Dadashri: Sometimes you may get hurt. If there is likelihood of you getting hurt by her horns, then you can move aside. In the same way, you should move away when

(Pg.11)

it comes to your wife also. Where do your problems arise? It is because of your belief: ‘I married her and she is my wife.’ Look, there is no wife and there is no husband. Since there is no husband to begin with, how can there be a wife? These are all acts of ignorance. Where is the trace of Arya culture nowadays?

Explain but with love

Questioner: It is my responsibility in our home regarding a very close family member. If a certain conduct of his is bad and if I tell him to improve him for his good then, the blame comes to me, it all goes against me. He understands that this person is the elder in my home and he is telling me for my own good, to improve me, and yet when I tell him, his reaction turns against me.

Dadashri: It is because you do not know how to tell him. It is not other person’s responsibility. You do not know how to tell him, then it will happen like that only, will it not?

Questioner: But whatever I have to tell to each person, it is being said only on the basis of his capacity.

Dadashri: Yes, but if you say like a collector then he will behave like that only, will he not? You tell him as if you are the collector, so it will happen like that only. You tell him as if you are a clerk, then he will feel better. Then he will listen to you. What do you think? You tell him as if you are the collector then he will have objection only, will he not? Now if you touch this burning coal and you know that you must not touch this at all, then should you touch that again?

Questioner: No, I should not touch.

Dadashri: How do we handle burning coals? Do we not use a pair of tongs? What would happen if we tried to hold the coals with our bare hands?

Questioner: We would get burned.

Dadashri: So a tong is necessary.

Questioner: What kind of tong should I use here?

Dadashri: There are people in your family that are like these tongs. They themselves do not feel hurt and they are also capable of handling someone who is hurting himself. When you talk to your child, you should have such a person present with you, who can reinforce whatever you say and help you deal with the matter. You will have to find a way to deal with the problem otherwise everyone will get hurt.

Questioner: Yes, that is right. But after behaving badly with me he feels bad that he did wrong. This is an elderly person in the family, and he loves me therefore, he wants to improve me. He understands like that yet his conduct happens exactly the same.

Dadashri: Yes, he has love for me and he talks for my benefit. He understands like that too, but why do you speak to him with, ‘you do not have sense?’ Why are you talking to him like a collector? ‘We’ are explaining with love, so you also develop love, would you? You are such a considerate person…

Questioner: But how can that happen? When I say something to him then he gets angry. So I become angry too.

Dadashri: You become angry, so what can happen as long as there is a weakness? If someone tells me, ‘Dadaji, you don’t have sense.’ Then I would say ‘sit here, you are right.’ This is because he does not have understanding, then only he will speak like that. And later on he will feel regret again. He will say, ‘I should not speak this, yet I end up speaking this.’ He would regret.

(Pg.12)

There is no choice but to suffer the effect

Questioner: When I get angry for the sake of the other person, then I have to go through lots of suffering. What is that?

Dadashri: You have to suffer the effect (asar), do you not? If you run the fan during winter, what can you do? You have to pay the electric bill and in the winter, the fan will ‘burn’ (make you feel cold) you. The fan in your home will burn you even though you pay the bill.

It is just that you have to understand. This (inner suffering and not reacting) will not burn you. Your external peace may decrease, but it will not burn you. So even if the time is wasted, merit karma will be bound. Still one life, two life times, remain. Is this going to go away straight way on its own? They will not let you enter final liberation straight way.

Protect subordinates

People do not like others getting angry with them, and yet they get angry with others. What kind of nonsense is that? This is not called humanity. People get angry with those that work under them. It is a terrible mistake to oppress and tyrannize those who are powerless. It is acceptable to strike back at someone in position of power or even God for that matter, but to dominate those who are powerless is a grave mistake. Defenseless people are often abused. I always helped my workers, even if they were at fault. To me it makes no difference how kind and benevolent my superior may be, I still do not want him as a superior and neither do I want to be anyone else’s superior. No matter how good a superior may be, there is no guarantee that he will always be good. A true superior will always take care of those under him. If anyone wants to be my superior, he has to be a true superior because I was not born to be abused!

Do not abuse or insult those who work under you. Respect everyone. You will benefit from that!

Only love wins

Questioner: There are lots of responsibilities in life and it is our duty to carry them out. In the process of carrying out these responsibilities, occasionally some harsh words have to be used. Is that considered a sin, (demerit karma)?

Dadashri: What is the expression on your face when you utter these words? Is it like a beautiful rose? If there is disgust on your face, understand that you have hurt the other person and created demerit karma. You should say what you have to say with calm and poise, without using bitter words. Speak calmly and with understanding and love, using only a few words and one day you will win him over. If you use harsh words, he will become confrontational and you will bind negative karma. The child will also bind negative karma; he will think, ‘You can abuse me while I am young, but I will take care of you when I grow up’. So do not do such things. Make him understand instead. Love will win one day. You will not reap its rewards immediately. Continue your love for a month and then see its results.

Questioner: What should we do if he does not understand, even though we try our best to explain things to him?

Dadashri: There is no need to explain. Just love him. But you should also gently try to make him understand. Do we use such bitter language with our neighbors?

Questioner: But one needs to have so much patience.

Dadashri: If a small rock rolls down from a hilltop and hits you, whom do you blame? Would you not just keep quiet when

(Pg.13)

you do not see anyone and realize that it fell by itself? You do not blame the rock. In the same token, when a person insults you, the insult is your past karmic accounts being settled, except in this situation you see the ‘doer’, but in reality the insults come by themselves, he is merely instrumental in the process. Everything that happens in this world is settlement of past karmic accounts. New karmic accounts are being created as the old ones are being settled. So when you talk to your children, speak to them gently.

Bring about solution with settlement

Questioner: Some people have belief that children must be beaten up (hit) to keep them in line or they get spoiled. Keep them under your control by instilling fear in them, by hitting. Is this right?

Dadashri: Up to a certain age, they can smack. Now at the age 30 if you try to hit, what happens?

Questioner: He will hit back.

Dadashri: That is why I say you can smack and I also say you cannot smack. Up to the point that their ego can tolerate, you can keep them in line by smacking them. If you don’t, they will go in the wrong direction.

Actually, people don’t know how to keep their children in line, they don’t know because they don’t have knowledge about it. Otherwise, there is no treatment like love to keep them in line. But they cannot show the love. They get angry. Even then, it is good that by getting angry, or smacking them, they get them in the right line. Otherwise, the kid will go in the wrong direction, because he does not know what is right or wrong for him. If you hit a 30 year old, he will hit back. Do whatever you can do as a parent and then you have to let go.

Questioner: Sometimes when the kid does not listen, I have to smack him.

Dadashri: The child is not going to listen. Is he going to listen if you hit him? Instead, he will only harbor the anger in his mind against you. He will keep this anger, ‘when I get older I will take revenge with mother.’ All living beings take revenge. We should resolve all matters with closure to the best possible extent without causing any revenge. If you want to hit, ask him. Tell me, ‘should I hit you or not?’ If he says yes then you can hit. You can hit with this type of agreement. How can you hit otherwise? He will keep a grudge. He does not like it and if you hit him, he will store feelings of revenge. When he is little, he may not say anything but he will decide in his mind that when I grow up I will hit mom.

Questioner: But Dada, my daughter does not keep anything in her mind. When we scold her, she forgets it the next moment.

Dadashri: She forgets, she is not that smart. She is less restless, so she forgets. But restless people have hot temper. Why scold? Take the permission of the son if you want to scold him. ‘Should I scold you? You did this wrong. Should I scold you?’ If he says scold, then you can.

It is worth if you get the result

Questioner: What should I do when I become angry with my child?

Dadashri: Anger happens because of lack of understanding. If you ask your child how he feels when you get angry, he will tell you that it hurts him. He is hurt and you are too. Then is there a need to get angry with the child? If it improves him, then you should continue with it, but if the consequences are bad, then what is the point of being angry? If he gets benefit by you getting angry at him

(Pg.14)

then do it and if not then let it go without anger.

Questioner: If we do not get angry then they do not listen to us, and they would not eat.

Dadashri: Where does he listen even you do get angry?

What is the solution where it is getting spoiled?

Questioner: We are telling children to get up early and study, but nowadays all children wake up late, suryavanshi (‘the Sun generation’, the ones who get up from bed late in the morning -after the sun is up). Now everyday this tussle keeps happening.

Dadashri: And what time do you get up?

Questioner: I wake up at five o’clock.

Dadashri: And how about saheb (husband)?

Questioner: Saheb also wakes up around five to five-thirty.

Dadashri: Is that so! So then you have to get the work done from your children, by explaining and coaxing.

Questioner: When my son stays sleeping until ten o’clock, I get angry and I think it is right.

Dadashri: Yes, but if you get angry then he will not listen to you, if you do not get angry then he will accept. When he sees your weakness then what he will think that ‘your nature is verily like that, your nature is weird’ and he would tell people out there too that, ‘my father’s nature is so weird that he gets angry in little things’! He will speak so. The father should be prabhavshadi (charismatic and inspiring person)! If the father does not get angry with a child then he would definitely follow according to the father’s instructions. This is just that when you get angry, he sees your weakness and that is why he gets scared and thinks that ‘how I got trapped here? How come I got such parents?’ All such things will set in his mind. Many children are very critical of their parents and they openly tell me, ‘my parents are worthless.’ You should not remain such that they talk negative about you. When you are correct; weakness will not arise. If weakness arises then, it is better not to say anything. You should stay put. And children do not improve by telling them. They will not improve as long as there is weakness in you. Until then he will go through the motions just for the sake of the show. But later on he will have negative thoughts and feelings about you.

Questioner: We have to maintain the societal structure too; otherwise it is disorder.

Dadashri: No, it is not considered maintaining the social organization. Due to lack of understanding, he may misbehave and misconduct himself. You do not need to get angry. Society does not say that you should get angry.

Questioner: But say for example, if some robbers are stealing from here and if the policemen do not punish them then it will not work, will it? They must be punished, no?

Dadashri: That must be done. There is no alternative. There is no harm if you punish him, but to become angry is the problem. Weakness (that leads to anger) should not arise. What I am saying is that if weakness arises then it will not impress the other person and when there is no effect then your work cannot be done. All work gets done with the subtle energy that influences (prabhav) others only. That is why you have to think and if there is weakness then you should not

(Pg.15)

speak. All children get spoiled due to such weakness. Their next life gets ruined. Right now he would follow according to your instructions, but he will have bhaav (inner intent) in his mind that you are telling him wrong and leading him on the wrong path, so he will spoil his next life. Therefore, you should explain to him nicely so that his next life does not spoil.

Tell children without attachment-abhorrence

Questioner: So all of us are staying together at home, then I should not say anything, is that so?

Dadashri: No, you can tell everything, but without attachment-abhorrence (raag-dwesh). You should tell them in the morning that ‘What is wrong if you all get up early in the morning?’ Then if they say, ‘We are not going to get up early in the morning, don’t bother us.’ Then you should say, ‘Now I will not bother you,’ you should say so. People would pester, would they not?

Questioner: All these children have to go to school together. They have to take shower and they do it leisurely then I have to tell them. So he (husband) says, ‘You are not to tell anything to anyone.’

Dadashri: That you have to tell for sure, you have to say. You have to ring a bell.

Questioner: And he leaves in the morning and comes home at night. So he does not know what comes in the house, food-drink etc. We have to buy three gallons of milk everyday. If there is no milk then they scream that there is no milk. So I have to tell them, don’t I? That is why he says, ‘I should not tell anything to anyone.’

Dadashri: No, you can tell. ‘Not to say’ that is also a mistake and ‘nagging’ is also a mistake. You can tell them but do not harbor attachment-abhorrence.

Questioner: No, no attachment-abhorrence in the slightest extent.

Dadashri: ‘Not to say’ is one kind of ego. Whatever comes out, after the speech came forth, if he says, ‘Why do you speak like this?’ Then you should say, ‘This is my mistake. Now I will not speak.’

Nagging ruins both

Questioner: That means that there is no meaning in me saying anything, he will do what he wants to do. Having attained Your Gnan, I understand that there is no need for me to interfere in this. The boy is going to do what he is going to do, and whatever is going to happen, will happen. So is that okay, that whatever is going to happen will happen for sure?

Dadashri: No, no. Not like that. You should not say that.

Questioner: We do not tell our son that. We understand that whatever happens is vyavasthit.

Dadashri: No. As long as you are living together, there is no problem. Once you go your separate ways, and if you see your young son going to a hotel, you should tell him, ‘Son, is your body going to remain healthy if you go to the hotel to eat?’ You have to make him understand one way or another. Do not ruin it for your own self. You ruin for him, by ruining for your own. You ruin for your own self first by becoming upset with him, then it ruins for him.

Who has to pay off the loan?

Dadashri: Who do you get angry at?

Questioner: Some times I get angry at my son. I get angry at work.

(Pg.16)

Dadashri: Who do you get angry at work?

Questioner: At the co-worker.

Dadashri: When she makes some mistake that is why you get angry, is that right?

Questioner: Yes, that is correct.

Dadashri: Do you get angry at a thorn if it were to prick you while you are walking on the footpath?

Questioner: No, how can I get angry at that? I do not get angry at that (thorn).

Dadashri: Why not?

Questioner: It is an object, no?

Dadashri: So this thing also is an inanimate (jada, lifeless) only.This what you see is ‘lifeless’ (the non-Self) thing only.

You cannot get angry at your son, because you had kept him in your womb for nine months. Now you did all this work, you helped him and so now what is the point in getting angry at him? Why do you create a debit by getting angry? Where you have credited so much, what is the reason for creating a debit over there? Who will keep such a residence for nine months? You have done so much favor for nine months, now there is no need to get angry.

Finally you will have to let go of the nature of telling, too

Questioner: But, he will take a glass, fill up with water and then he will pour it on the carpet, so then what should I do? Do I have to let him pour?

Dadashri: Yes, but what can he do? Otherwise what you should do is tell him, ‘Dear, don’t pour. This will get spoiled. This will be ruined,’ you can speak to him gently. Is there a need to get angry?

Questioner: No, I do not get angry, Dadaji. I will not get angry, but I have to tell him.

Dadashri: There is no harm in telling, telling is all the drama.You should tell such a way that it does not hurt you.

Questioner: Dadaji, I do not get angry but I do end up telling him for sure.

Dadashri: Finally you will have to let go of the nature of telling, too. Finally you will have to let go of that too. ‘You’ are not saying this. This is the taped record that is singing. ‘You’ are not singing at all, are ‘You’? No matter how much you speak, even then ‘we’ do not get angry at you. We know that this is the taped record started singing.

Questioner: Any other person may get upset, no?

Dadashri: That is for sure, no?

Improve yourself only

Questioner: How can we pacify a youngster who throws temper tantrums?

Dadashri: How will it help the situation by getting rid of his temper?

Questioner: He will not fight with us.

Dadashri: It will calm down thereafter. With lots of difficulty we get the medicine, that a person becomes angry. It will cool down again, it is not good if it cools down, anger is better.

Questioner: No, no, not like that. Some times children are very hot-tempered.

Dadashri: Instead of doing other solution for thatas a parent, you should conduct yourself in such a way that he does not detect anger in you. When he sees you get angry, he will decide that he can be angrier than his father. If you stop getting angry, he will too.

(Pg.17)

Look at me. Since I have conquered my anger, no one fights with me. Even when I tell them to get angry with me, they shrug their shoulders.

That is called love

Questioner: My relatives and loved ones are loving people; they have feelings for me.

Dadashri: When you talk back with them, thenyou will know how much love they have for you.

Questioner: They get angry when I talk back with them.

Dadashri: So then how can you call that a love? This is called infatuation, illusory attraction (aasakti). That, which never increases or decreases, is love. Even if you were to abuse or get angry even then it will not decrease and if you just love, even then it does not increase that is called love. How can you call this love? And ‘I—the Gnani’ hit with love.

Questioner: I do not get hurt. I do get angry, I feel a little, but I would think and try to forget.

Dadashri: No, it is called pain from the moment anger comes. It is called dwesh (abhorrence). There is no abhorrence (aversion) in love. There is no love where there is abhorrence and where there is love there is no abhorrence. There is neither attachment nor abhorrence in love. Right now if you were to offer me flowers, then my love will not increase, and if you were to slap me twice then my love will not decrease, that is called love. Have you seen such love?

Real love does not increase or decrease

Questioner: So what kind of love do parents have?

Dadashri: If one day you were to insult your parents, they would retaliate. This worldly love is temporary. It may disappear after a few years. Love should be real. Love should not increase or decrease.

Despite this, when a father gets angry with his son, there is no intent to hurt in his anger.

Questioner: Is that real love then?

Dadashri: That can never be real love. If it were real love, then there would be no anger. Nevertheless, there is no intention to hurt behind that anger, and so it cannot be called anger. Anger is defined as that which has intention to hurt.

Children respond to love

A father said something to his son, the son became agitated and so upset that he told his father ‘You and I will never get along.’ The father began to plead with his son and told him, ‘I did not say anything wrong to you son, why are you getting so upset with me?’ I told the father, ‘Why are you trying to mend fences now? Why did you instigate him in the first place? You should never instigate anyone. These people are very sensitive and quick to react. Do not disturb them. Do not say a thing, just eat, drink and enjoy yourself.’

Conflicts occur due to ego

Questioner: They do not become quiet unless we scold them.

Dadashri: There is nothing wrong in scolding them. But when you become involved in the scolding, your facial expression changes to one of disgust. In doing so, you will bind negative karma. Go ahead and scold them, but keep your facial expression pleasant. It is because your ego arises that your facial expression becomes ugly.

Questioner: Then children will think that we are not serious when we scold them.

(Pg.18)

Dadashri: It is enough even if they think that. Only then will it have an impact, otherwise it will not affect them at all. If you keep scolding them, they will conclude that you are a weak person. They even tell me this, that their father is such a weakling because he keeps scolding them.

When you become irritated with your children, you are binding a new karma for your next life. There is nothing wrong in displaying irritation to them, but you are getting irritated, that is wrong.

Duty bound: Will bound

Even if you have borrowed money and created a debt for your son’s education and one day your son behaves insolently towards you, you cannot remind him of the sacrifices you have made for him, because you are duty-bound and obliged to do so. You did what was mandatory. You should carry out your duty. Mandatory means duty-bound and voluntary means will-bound. People mistakenly believe all that is duty-bound to be will-bound. You perpetuate your worldly life in the direction of your will; you believe you are acting according to your free will whereas in fact you are duty bound. That which you are able to change is where your free will lies. When a child becomes disrespectful towards his father, the father will get angry and remind him of the sacrifices he has made for him. The foolish man! Tell me what you have done that is new! Everything you did was mandatory. Tell me where your free will lies!

Impression arises when the weakness leaves

Questioner: Virtuous (saatvik) irritation or virtuous anger, is it good or not?

Dadashri: What would people call that? Even what children would say, ‘He is a hot-tempered man?’ Anger is foolishness. It is considered a weakness. Even if you ask a child, ‘How is your dad?’, he will tell you, ‘he is a hot-tempered person’. Now tell me, does that increase or decrease his reputation? Such weakness should not exist. Where there is virtuosity (saatvikta) there is no weakness.

Questioner: If we are passing by an incidence where someone is beating his child up, we can try to make him stop and when he does not, should we not remove him from the child by scolding or getting angry with him?

Dadashri: He will not refrain from beating even if you get angry with him. On the contrary, he may even beat you. Yet, why do you get angry with him? Try to explain and make him understand in a civilized way. However, if you get angry against him then that is a weakness.

Questioner: So, should we let him continue hurting the child?

Dadashri: No, you can talk to the man, ‘look, why are you doing this? What this little child has done to you?’ You have to talk to him like this and make him understand. It will be a weakness on your part to display anger too. First of all, you should not have such weakness. One who has no weakness has certain personality that carries weight and impresses other persons. He would just talk normally and everyone would listen.

Questioner: And what if he does not?

Dadashri: He may not listen, what is the reason for that? There may be a flaw in your personality. If we ask children, ‘Who is the number one in your family?’ Then they will think that their mother does not get angry so she is the best. So she is the first, then second, third, and so on, and the father comes last, why is that? It is because he becomes

(Pg.19)

angry. I ask them, ‘Your father works and brings home the money for all of you, and yet he comes last?’ They say ‘yes’. Now tell me, we work hard, we feed them, we bring home the money and give it to them, and yet we come last.

So, you should not have such weakness. You should be of strong character and personality. Even thousands of thugs will run away at the sight of you. No one runs away from an angry man, on the contrary they will beat him up too! People will only attack the one who has weakness, will they not?

Therefore, one should have personality. When does personality arise? It is when one understands the science (vignan). That which one forgets is gnan, and that which can never be forgotten is the Vignan.

Show anger but dramatic

A bank manager once said to me, ‘Dadaji, I have never said a single word to my wife or my children, no matter what they say or do wrong, I do not say anything.’ He looked so self-assured, thinking that perhaps I would applaud him for his nobility. But instead I said, ‘Who on the earth made you the manager of a bank. You do not even know how to manage your own family!’ He was shocked. I told him, ‘You are the ultimate fool. You are not worth anything in this world.’ He thought that Dada would be very happy with him and reward him. The fool! Can there be a reward for this? When your child does something wrong, you have to say to him, ‘Why did you do that. Do not do it again.’ You have to say it in a make-believe way; as if you meant it (show emotions without being emotional) otherwise he will think that whatever he is doing is fine because by not saying anything, his father has accepted it. Children fall apart because you do not say anything to them. You have to tell them everything but it has to be in a ‘dramatic’ manner. You have to sit him down at night and talk to him, explain things to him. Children need to be shaken up a little, now and then. Although they have some good qualities, you have to shake them a little. Is there anything wrong in doing so?

So maintain normality in everything, maintain love in one eye and sternness in the other. Sternness does not cause as much harm to others as anger. Sternness is just the show of anger without the hurting others. I too had to be stern with my workers and ask them, ‘Why are you not working?’ Certain situations require that you deal with them in a certain manner. You must act according to the demand of the situation. In worldly interactions appropriate response is required depending on the situation. If such response is lacking the interaction becomes spoiled.

Discrimination is necessary in worldly interaction

There is no problem in carrying out all worldly interactions, but it is a mistake if you interact with them (family) as if they are real. People live as if all these relatives are for real, do they not?

Questioner: But we have to fulfill our relative worldly duties (vyavahar dharma), don’t we?

Dadashri: You have never fulfilled vyavahar dharma at all. Vyavahar always should be ideal. The person, who loses, misses nischaya (the state of the Self), then his vyavahar is not considered vyavahar. One should keep nischaya in nischaya and vyavahar in vyavahar (keep the real as real and the relative as relative) and that is called ideal vyavahar. I remain in ideal vyavahar the whole day. If you go and ask around

(Pg.20)

then everybody will say, about Hiraba and Dadashri, ‘They never had quarrel at all. They never had shouted. They have never been angry at anybody.’ If everybody says like this in neighborhood then is it not considered ideal vyavahar?

Questioner: Yes, it is.

Dadashri: And what if we go around and ask about you? Will they say that you have not raised your voice ever?

Questioner: No.

Dadashri: So then you ruined vyavahar too and nischaya too. You have to conduct only this much vyavahar that you became a father so do not run errands for the son, otherwise your son will feel bad. And if you are a son then for the son, he has to carry out this much vyavahar that he has to run errands for his father otherwise it will look bad for him. One should not miss such discrimination in vyavahar (worldly interaction).

There is need of a red signal

People would say that the man that gets angry with his children is the offender and that he is the one that binds paap (sin, demerit karma), but God does not say that. God would say that he is the offender if as a father he fails to get angry with his child. Is it good to get angry? No, but it was necessary at the time because if he did not, his son would have strayed in the wrong direction.

Consequently, anger is a red signal, nothing else. If the father had not appeared intimidating and had not become angry, he would have lost his son, would have gone on the wrong path. So God gives a hundred rupees reward to the father even if he gets angry at his son.

People have no idea that anger is a red flag. It is important for one to understand when and for how long this flag has to be utilized. Now if a train is leaving, and a signal-man is standing with a red flag holding in his hand for two and half hours for no reason then what can happen? Therefore, red signal is necessary. But how long one should hold, that is important for one to understand.

How is nature’s justice there?

People consider certain parents undeserving when they get angry at their children. They say such parents are useless persons. How does nature treat them? Nature says they are accumulating merit karma (punyai). Do they bind merit karma even though they get angry? Yes, because parents bring pain upon themselves trying to do better for the children. Their anger is directed towards accomplishing something good and worthwhile for their kids. All angers bind demerit karma (paap), except anger aimed towards children or friends for their own good, at the expense of your own. Despite this; they are usually discredited by others. But real justice lies with God (Nature), does it not? (They however receive credit of punyai within the domain of God). One may get very angry with his son or daughter, but there is no intent of violence (himsak bhaav) behind that, there may be towards other people. But there is some lingering traces of anger carried forward, so when he sees his son or daughter again, he feels angry within. What happens if there are no lingering traces of anger carried forward? Moksha! If there is absence of violent intent, and link of anger, then one attains moksha. And if there is only lingering anger, but no violent intent, then one binds merit karma. How meticulously the Lord has discovered and unraveled this!

Anger yet one binds merit karma

If you become angry with your son, your bhaav (intention) should be, ‘this

(Pg.21)

should not happen’. This means that you have changed raudradhyan (adverse internal meditation that hurts the self and others) to dharmadhyan (virtuous meditation that results from absence of adverse meditation). Although you were angry, the result turns positive internally because you have changed your true inner intent.

The reason is clearly visible when one looks at his aim behind his anger.

Questioner: It is higher aim-high intent (prashasta) anger.

Dadashri: That hurtful anger is aprashasta anger, that is considered bad.

So even anger has been divided. It is a different anger when you get angry with your son when he is not paying attention to the business. God has said that when a father gets angry with his son for stealing money and other misdeeds, the father will bind punyai.

When a father becomes irritated or gets angry at his child then what is the consequence of that? He can bind merit karma.

Questioner: Father can get upset, but what if a son gets upset at his father?

Dadashri: Then demerit karma (paap) is bound.

Tell them calmly

Questioner: Dada, my son makes fifteen hundred rupees a month and I am retired. I live with him and his wife. They both keep criticizing me about the way I do things or ask me why I go out. I am going to tell them that I am going to leave their home.

Dadashri: Do they feed you well?

Questioner: Yes, Dada they do.

Dadashri: Then you cannot tell them that you will leave. You may not be able to leave having told them you will and you will have to swallow your own words.

Questioner: So then should I not say anything to them?

Dadashri: If you have to, then very calmly tell them, ‘It would be good if you did things this way but really it is up to you whether you want to do it that way.’ If there is a possibility of your actions changing others, then go ahead and do it. But if it is unlikely to happen, then you are likely to aggravate the other person. And in that case, it is best not to say or do anything.

Consequence of anger

Questioner: Dada, I am a heart patient, now if she tells me that, ‘do this way’ and I do not listen, then what should I do?

Dadashri: Let me give you an example. There was one doctor. He was very sincere and proficient. He used to charge just enough money for his necessity. He did not charge extra money. This is during old times that I am talking about. Now he met one patient. The patient says to him, ‘Give me medicine.’ He told him, ‘You just have to make sure not to eat chili peppers.’ Even after treating for a month, his medicine did not work for that patient. So the doctor thought, ‘Why so? What may be the reason? Have I made a mistake, or is there a mistake in diagnosis?’ Even after two months that medicine did not work. So the doctor thought ‘let me go to his home and check whether he eats (chili pepper) or not?’ The doctor used to ask him frequently whether he eats chili pepper ever. The patient says, ‘No, I don’t touch at all, I don’t even see in the direction of chili peppers at all.’ Now one day that doctor went secretly at his home, at that time he noticed two big chili peppers in his plate. So the doctor got so extremely

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angry that his blood pressure increased and he died at the spot. And the patient, he ate chili pepper at ease.

Questioner: Is there a relation between anger and blood pressure?

Dadashri: O ho ho! Anger (krodha) is the father of high blood pressure. If its father is not there and if mother is alone then the child will not be born. Blood pressure will not increase. If there is no father and if only mother is there then child will not be born, will it? Anger is a father.

That weakness would exist in all

Questioner: Is it possible that due to increase in age one becomes angry and thereby a person can lose the balance of his mind? Can one lose his temper?

Dadashri: Can one lose his temper?

Questioner: Yes, one can become excessively angry.

Dadashri: One gets less angry until he is physically healthy and when he becomes physically weak then he cools down people by shouting at them.

Questioner: Such is within me.

Dadashri: No, it is in you and in everybody. You are taking on your head.

Only the account of give and take

Questioner: There is a common saying that all these families are simply a succession of a series of sons, grandsons, great grandsons, etc.

Dadashri: Yes. They are all acquainted with each other. Your entire circle of acquaintances will stay with you. They all have similar qualities and because of raag and dwesh they are born close to each other. They come together to settle accounts of raag and dwesh. All that you see with your eyes is an illusion. From the perspective of real knowledge, things are not as they appear to be.

Questioner: As you said every living being is independent.

Dadashri: Everyone is so independent that no one can give even this little to anyone. People speak as they see. They speak as they understand through intellect. But this is not such a thing which can one understand.

Questioner: Because of not having understanding some times a son will even say that ‘you are hot-tempered and that is why I have become hot-tempered’.

Dadashri: Yes, he will say that too and make his father a fool.

Questioner: Is he making him a fool?

Dadashri: He does for sure. You are hot-tempered therefore, I have become hot-tempered, he will say like that to his father so you (father) are at fault, not me, is that right? So did the father not become a fool? It is just that a son will say to his father that ‘if you were wise then I would have been wise’. It is not possible to pass on even a single attribute (gunadharma). But one will say, ‘the color and the beauty of this child is just like his father’. Hey, it is not so. This is just an adjustment and that is why it appears so. The parents may be tall and the son would be short, this is all contradiction.

Pay off the account of karma and become free

Questioner: That means that we are all here for repayment of previous accounts. Once these accounts of raag and dwesh we have with everyone from our past life, are paid off, they go their own way.

Dadashri: Yes, it all gets paid off. Exactly. I am disclosing this exact science for the first time with such clarity. To clarify this further, if your father is hot-tempered and you take after him, then why is your brother so calm? If you inherited the qualities of your father, then why did your brother not inherit the same qualities? People do not understand this, which is why they draw all sorts of wrong conclusions and believe what appears on the surface to be the truth.

The whole world exits only to pay off all the accounts.

“Jagat jive chhe karmadhin kuchha na kisise lena-dena.”

“The living being of this world is dependent on karma, there is no give and take from anybody.”

Everyone remain in your own nature, says. Everyone is wandering according to one’s own karma. No one can give anything to anyone. Even God cannot give anything. So then what a father is going to give, who does not have the independent energy to defecate. Thing should be systematic so that there can be an end. There should be end of the matter, should it not?

This is indeed worth understanding; it is a very profound matter. It goes much deeper and beyond what I have said so far. Even God himself cannot give or pass on anything. Everything is simply based on the give and take of accounts.

So the Gnan is the true thing, this is the exact Gnan! So this is shukladhyan (meditation as the Self), ‘see’ as it is in that.

~Jai Sat Chit Anand